The Hidden Mental Health Costs of People-Pleasing and Perfectionism
On the surface, perfectionism and people-pleasing might seem helpful. Maybe they've helped you navigate tough times or kept you feeling safe. But when you take a closer look, these patterns often come at a cost—one that can take a serious toll on your mental health.
Have you ever wondered if constantly putting others first or chasing perfection is taking more than it’s giving? If so, read on to explore the hidden ways people-pleasing and perfectionism can impact your well-being.
The Mental Health Costs of Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
While it might feel like these habits help you maintain control or keep others happy, the truth is they often drain you in ways you might not even realize. Here are some common consequences of staying stuck in these patterns:
Burnout
People-pleasers and perfectionists often prioritize everyone else's needs over their own. When you constantly give and rarely recharge, it leads to exhaustion and burnout. Over time, this takes a major toll on your emotional and physical well-being, leaving little room for self-care.
For some of the clients I work with as a therapist for perfectionism in New York, this pattern looks like saying yes to every work request, staying late to ensure every detail is perfect, and taking on more responsibilities at home than they can reasonably manage. They find themselves constantly drained, running on empty because they haven’t taken the time to check in with their own needs.
Strained Emotional Connections
Your relationships may appear strong on the outside, but beneath the surface, they might be suffering:
Inauthentic Connections: When you're focused on keeping others happy, it’s hard to show your true self. You might worry that if people see the "real" you—flaws and all—they won’t accept you.
Resentment: Giving too much without receiving can lead to resentment. You may start resenting your partner, your loved ones, or even yourself for setting up this dynamic.
Emotional Disconnection: By the time you’ve met everyone else’s needs, you’re left with little energy to engage in deeper, meaningful conversations, which can slowly erode your connections with those around you.
Many of my clients in therapy for perfectionism have described that, despite all their efforts to be everything for everyone, resentment began creeping into their relationships because their constant giving wasn’t being reciprocated. This feeling of resentment often led to frustration and distance in even their closest connections.
Anxiety and Constant Pressure
Living in a cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing increases pressure to meet others' expectations. It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of anxiety, always worrying about whether you’re doing enough to keep others happy or whether you’ve met an impossibly high standard.
For some of my clients, this pressure manifests as constant overthinking—replaying conversations, worrying about others' opinions, and feeling trapped in a never-ending loop of “what-ifs.”
Imposter Syndrome
No matter how much you achieve, perfectionism and people-pleasing can make you feel like a fraud. You might constantly fear being "found out" or feel inadequate despite your accomplishments. This often leads to overworking yourself to prove your worth, reinforcing the imposter cycle. Even constructive feedback can feel like an attack when your self-worth is tied to perfection or making others happy.
Disconnection from Your Own Needs
When you’re always tuned in to others’ needs, it can be difficult to understand your own. People-pleasing often leads to neglecting personal needs and desires, making it harder to recognize what truly fulfills you.
Lack of Fulfillment
Living according to others’ expectations can lead to a deep sense of unfulfillment. When you base your decisions on pleasing others, it’s easy to lose sight of what you actually want in life, leaving you feeling empty and disconnected from your own goals and passions.
Career Stagnation
Perfectionism and people-pleasing can limit your career growth in unexpected ways. While that might seem totally backwards, hear me out:
Fear of Failure: You might avoid going after new opportunities out of fear of not meeting expectations.
Overworking Without Reward: Taking on too much in your job—without being compensated—leads to burnout. Many companies won't offer promotions or raises if they don’t have to, so you might end up stuck despite your hard work.
Difficulty Delegating: Trying to do everything yourself instead of delegating can prevent you from stepping into leadership roles, hindering career growth.
Breaking Free
Recognizing the mental health costs of perfectionism and people-pleasing is the first step towards change. These habits may have once helped you, but now they’re likely costing you more than they’re giving. Reclaiming your time, energy, and well-being with a therapist for perfectionism in New York will allow you to live a more fulfilling life—whether that’s enjoying more meaningful relationships, feeling more content in your career, or simply finding peace within yourself.
If you're ready to take action, explore more tips on breaking free from people-pleasing and perfectionism through Prioritizing Your Needs, Practicing Boundary-Setting, and Embracing Vulnerability.
Struggling with this Hidden Mental Health Cost? Therapy for People-Pleasers and Perfectionists in New York Can Help!
If you’re beginning to see how these patterns are draining your time, energy, and relationships, it’s time to make a change. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and therapist for perfectionism, I specialize in helping people-pleasers and perfectionists let go of unhelpful habits and reclaim their well-being. Together, we can work on embracing your strengths, setting boundaries, and building a life rooted in authenticity and connection. Reach out today to get started!
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Break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and perfectionism to reclaim your energy and build a more authentic, fulfilling life!
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
Perfectionism often overlaps with other challenges, and as a therapist specializing in this area, I recognize how interconnected these struggles can be. That’s why I provide more than just Therapy for Perfectionism, offering a range of services to support your well-being in one place. My specialties also include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Burnout, and Therapy for People-Pleasing. Whether we address one or several of these challenges together, I’m here to guide you with personalized care and compassion. This is your space to heal, grow, and create a life where you can truly thrive.