Let go of the myth of “perfection” and feel free.

While there isn’t a single “cause” of perfectionism, here are some common contributors:

Childhood and family dynamics: Perfectionism can often connect back to our early experiences. Growing up in a household with high expectations, frequent criticism, or immense pressure to succeed can lead to perfectionistic habits. For some, growing up in an immigrant family can be tough. The clash of cultural values and expectations may add pressure to succeed.

Societal pressures: Society sends a lot of messages focused on perfection. From media to social norms, we’re often encouraged to chase success and avoid mistakes. With pressure to look or act a certain way, it's easy to feel in constant competition. This can fuel perfectionist tendencies.

Low self-esteem: If you lack self-worth, perfectionism may seem like a way to "prove" yourself. It seeks validation by meeting high standards.

Anxiety and desire for control: Perfectionism often arises from anxiety. It offers a sense of control in an unpredictable world. But, this relief is usually temporary.

Past trauma: For some, perfectionism is a coping mechanism after trauma. Often, it starts as a way to regain control over unpredictable parts of life.

Biology: Some may have a genetic tendency toward perfectionism, regardless of their environment.

Absolutely! Perfectionism and control are interconnected . For some, especially those who’ve felt a lack of control in the past, perfectionism can feel like a way to regain a sense of stability or security. It can also serve as a way to influence how others see you—often without even realizing it. Perfectionism may push you to show only your “best” self, which can make it harder to show up authentically or to be vulnerable with others.

Perfectionism can have its upsides, like being detail-oriented and driven, but when it starts to take over your life, it often does more harm than good. You might notice burnout, strained relationships, or an ongoing sense of dissatisfaction—even after you reach your goals. Valuing quality and hard work are wonderful traits—when they’re kept in balance—but too much perfectionism can end up backfiring.

Take a moment to reflect: Is perfectionism really supporting you in the way you think it is? Does it make you feel fulfilled, or does it leave you feeling drained and unsatisfied? What might seem like a helpful trait could actually be holding you back from experiencing joy and connection.

Yes, it absolutely can! Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand. The pressure to get everything “just right” can make even simple tasks, like sending an email, feel overwhelming. You might find yourself thinking, “If this isn’t perfect, they won’t want to work with me,” or “If I don’t get this right, it’ll prove I’m a failure.” These worries can lead you to avoid tasks altogether, hoping that stepping away will ease the pressure. Unfortunately, this often increases anxiety and keeps the perfectionism cycle going, as relief rarely comes from putting things off.

Breaking the cycle of unhelpful perfectionism is a journey that takes time—something I often remind my clients.

Start by tuning in to those perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors when they show up. Journaling can help. It lets you find situations that trigger these thoughts. It also helps you reflect on your self-talk after mistakes. This awareness is an important first step toward making meaningful change.

Next, take a moment to consider the costs of perfectionism. It's easy to see how perfectionism drives success. But, it's just as important to recognize its impact on your relationships and well-being. It can affect your overall happiness too.

To challenge perfectionism, start with small, low-stakes tasks—like folding laundry or sending a casual email—and give yourself permission to do them imperfectly. This will help you get more comfortable with imperfection. Setting realistic goals and replacing negative self-talk with more balanced, supportive thoughts can significantly shift your mindset.

In therapy for perfectionism, we’ll explore the experiences that shape your perfectionism, which helps create compassion and understanding for why these patterns developed. Ultimately, therapy offers a supportive space to unpack and break this cycle together, empowering you to embrace a more balanced approach to life.

There are several great treatment options for perfectionism! Some common approaches include: CBT, DBT, ACT, IFS, mindfulness techniques, and psychodynamic therapy. I love incorporating tools from these methods with my clients. Here are a few of my go-tos:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps us see the thoughts that fuel our perfectionism. It teaches us how to change those thoughts and behaviors. CBT uses cognitive tools to promote flexible thinking, which helps us shift unhelpful thoughts. The behavioral techniques guide us in facing situations that trigger our perfectionism. They teach us to navigate those situations without relying on perfectionistic habits and thoughts.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT helps us to distance ourselves from unhelpful perfectionist thoughts. It does this using techniques like cognitive defusion, which allow us to acknowledge our thoughts without judgment. ACT also encourages us to connect with our values. It helps us assess whether our perfectionistic habits align with what matters most to us.

Psychodynamic Therapy: This approach examines how our past shapes our perfectionism, including our thoughts, feelings, and actions. By examining our beliefs in light of those experiences, we gain insights. This self-awareness is key for making real changes, and psychodynamic therapy can help with that.

Perfectionists can absolutely experience happiness, but they often struggle to maintain that sense of joy or contentment. When you’re always focused on what’s next or how things could be better, it’s tough to fully appreciate your achievements. Perfectionism often leads to downplaying successes, fixating on mistakes, and comparing yourself to others, which makes it hard to see the positives in life. It’s challenging to feel truly happy or joyful when you’re constantly chasing “perfection,” especially since that ideal is usually unrealistic and unsustainable.

Perfectionism itself isn’t classified as an anxiety disorder, but it’s often connected to anxiety disorders like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) or Social Anxiety Disorder. Many people with perfectionistic tendencies also deal with anxiety, which can fuel their need for control and fear of making mistakes.

It’s important to note that even if you don’t meet the criteria for an official diagnosis, perfectionism can still have a big impact on your mental health and overall well-being. In therapy for perfectionism, we can address these unhelpful patterns without pathologizing them.

Perfectionism can hold you back in many aspects of your life. It can affect your work, self-esteem, and overall happiness by making tasks take much longer, making you feel like nothing is ever good enough, and preventing you from enjoying the journey because you're so focused on the end result. For some, staying focused on the details rather than the big picture, or struggling to delegate, can slow their career growth. Or at the very least it can make work feel much more draining than it needs to be.

In relationships, perfectionism can create distance—whether you're putting work ahead of personal connection or feeling hesitant to be vulnerable. You might even find yourself feeling resentful toward others who don't hold themselves to the same high standards or who don’t seem to worry as much as you do. Therapy for perfectionism in New York can help remove these barriers.

Working with a therapist for perfectionism in Garden City, NY can be a game-changer for your personal growth. Here are some important benefits to consider:

Uncovering hidden challenges: Even the most self-aware people can miss certain issues or downplay their effects. A therapist can help you identify these patterns and challenges, offering insights you might not notice on your own.

Staying accountable: Regular therapy sessions keep you on track as you work to break free from perfectionistic habits, helping you stay committed to your goals.

Recognizing your strengths: A therapist can help you recognize and celebrate your strengths and achievements, especially when you tend to focus more on mistakes than successes.

Learning healthy boundaries and self-compassion: A therapist can show you what healthy boundaries look like and create a safe space for you to feel accepted as you are. This can help you practice letting go of the pressure to be perfect.

Reducing pressure: Therapy for perfectionism offers a chance to accept support and learn how to delegate responsibilities, which can lighten the burden on you. If you’re used to doing everything yourself, this might feel uncomfortable at first but can ultimately feel really freeing!

Prioritizing self-care: Regular therapy sessions give you dedicated time to focus on your well-being, motivating you to practice self-care strategies and incorporate them in your daily life.