How Anxiety and Perfectionism Are Sabotaging Your Self-Care Routine (And How to Fix It)

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I’ll take care of myself once everything else is taken care of,” only to realize you’ve neglected your well-being for weeks? And by the time you notice, you’re too exhausted, distracted, or overwhelmed to do anything about it. As a therapist for perfectionism who works with anxious perfectionists, I see this struggle all the time. 

It’s so easy to focus on everything else that feels urgent, leaving our own well-being on the back burner. This can be especially tough if you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or perfectionism—those constant worries and high expectations often make self-care feel impossible.

Let’s dive into how perfectionism and anxiety ruin your self-care, with some simple ways to break the cycle and start caring for yourself more consistently.

How Do Anxiety and Perfectionism Relate to Self-Care?

Anxiety often leads to overthinking, burnout, and avoidance, while perfectionism creates rigid standards and a fear of failure—leaving little room for flexibility in self-care.

Perfectionism and anxiety usually develop as protective mechanisms, but when it comes to self-care, they can backfire. When we’re stuck in anxiety or overwhelmed, it’s tempting to either avoid self-care altogether (hello, Netflix binge!) or overdo it—trying to "fix" everything by overthinking or overworking ourselves.

But self-care isn’t about fancy spa treatments or long baths (though those are nice too!). At its core, self-care means regularly checking in with yourself and making sure your needs are met. It could be something as simple as taking a break to stretch, making time for lunch, calling a friend for a quick chat, or stepping outside to enjoy the sun and breathe fresh air (yes, even our “fresh air” in New York counts!).

For anxious perfectionists, self-care often takes a backseat. You're so focused on all the external “to-dos” that your internal needs can easily get overlooked.

How These Mindsets Sabotage Self-Care

1. You don’t feel like you have time for self-care

With anxiety constantly reminding you about everything that needs to be done, and perfectionism telling you that it all has to be done “just right,” it’s no wonder that self-care feels like something you just can’t squeeze into your day. When your time and energy are consumed by everything else, self-care ends up at the bottom of the list. You might tell yourself you’ll get to it when you "have time"—but let’s be real: there’s always more to do, and that cycle never ends.

Tip: Even if your plate is full, taking just a few minutes a day for self-care can help you avoid perfectionist burnout. It doesn’t have to be a major time commitment. Start small—for instance, swap 5 minutes of social media scrolling for something more calming, like deep breathing or mindfulness meditation. It’s about finding ways to integrate self-care into your life without a huge time investment. Self-care can take the form of saying “no” to extra plans when you're already stretched thin (which can actually give you more time) or setting boundaries to prioritize your well-being. This is something you could explore in online therapy for perfectionism if you want to understand why making time for yourself feels so difficult.

Read my other blog for more tips on creating space for self-care in your busy schedule, here.

2. You procrastinate your self-care

It’s easy to put off self-care when you’re feeling anxious about getting it "just right." Have you ever had a day off and felt so much pressure to enjoy it and choose the perfect activity, only to end up doing nothing at all? Or maybe you get stuck in the indecision of which self-care option to pick from the overwhelming list of possibilities.

Tip: Keep it simple. Start with the easiest, quickest, or most fun option—something that doesn’t require a ton of mental energy. Or make a “menu” of self-care activities ahead of time so you can pick from a list without stressing over it in the moment. Scheduling it like any other appointment or commitment can help you stay consistent. If it helps, try telling a friend or partner what you’re doing, so you have some accountability.

3. You take on too much and let perfectionism take over your routine

When you do make time for self-care, that perfectionistic voice might tell you that you need to do everything to make it count. So, you overwhelm yourself by adding too many “self-care” activities at once. Not only does that make it feel like a chore rather than a refreshing break, but it’s just not sustainable.

Tip: Start with just one self-care activity. Pick something small, like a five-minute breathing exercise or a short walk. Stick with it for a day, or maybe try a week—and give yourself permission to not add anything more than that. This can give you a chance to find what works without feeling like you need to be perfect at it or do it forever.

4. You’re just focused on checking “self-care” off your to-do list

When self-care feels like another task you need to complete, it’s hard to really enjoy it. You might find it hard to stay present and engaged if your mind is racing with other worries or thoughts and you’re thinking about the next thing you need to do, which tends to defeat the purpose of self-care. Talking with an online therapist for perfectionism could help you explore why slowing down feels uncomfortable and how to build a routine that actually supports you, rather than just adding more pressure.

Tip: Instead of rushing through it just to check it off your list, take a moment to think about what you would actually notice or focus on if you allowed yourself to enjoy the experience. What’s something you can pay attention to that might ground you in the moment—whether it’s the sensation of a warm cup of tea or the quiet around you? Try this the next few times you practice self-care to help you stay more present.

5. You compare your self-care to others’ self-care routines

Social media can make it seem like everyone else has this elaborate, perfect self-care routine that’s always working for them. But the truth is, self-care doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, keeping it simple is often more effective. Plus, what works for someone else might not be what you need. For instance, you might find peace in a creative activity, while someone else feels the most relaxed taking a long bubble bath (and maybe that’s not your thing!).

Tip: If you can’t help but look at other people’s routines, let’s focus on using them as inspiration rather than yet another opportunity for comparison. Remember, not only does social media misrepresent reality, but what works for someone else doesn’t necessarily work for you (and vice versa). The best self-care routine is the one that meets your needs—not the one that looks most elaborate or Instagram-worthy.

6. You have high expectations

If you don’t feel amazing during or right after doing self-care, you might write it off as ineffective. We tend to think of self-care as this quick fix that should instantly make us feel better. But in reality, self-care often works best over time. For anxious perfectionists, it can even feel uncomfortable at first if you’re used to feeling guilty about resting and taking care of yourself. This discomfort is normal, and it doesn’t mean self-care isn’t working.

Tip: Practice adjusting your expectations. Rather than expecting to feel 100% better right away, just feeling 10% (or even 1%) better is a win. Give yourself some grace and time to get used to the idea that self-care isn’t a cure-all, but a piece of the bigger picture. And if you’ve tried something and know it’s not right for you, try a different activity and see how that feels.

7. You’re worried what it’ll feel like to slow down

You might worry that if you slow down and take time to relax, you’ll lose your edge or motivation. Or maybe you’re worried about the emotions that might come up if you start truly paying attention to how you feel. These worries are totally normal. Yes, it might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but that’s part of the learning curve.

Tip: Take it slow. You don’t need a major overhaul of your routine—just try easing into it with small steps. You’re not committing to a permanent change right away; just test it out and see how it feels, and give yourself time to get used to it. Plus, keep in mind that you’ve handled much bigger challenges than this, so this small change is totally manageable.

Making Self-Care a Sustainable Habit

Self-care is absolutely attainable—even for the most anxious perfectionists. It’s all about recognizing how these patterns are holding you back, making small but consistent changes, and building a routine that’s sustainable for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t need to be a major time commitment. What’s most important is that you start taking consistent, gentle steps toward caring for yourself in a way that works with your life—not against it.

Self-care is a journey, not a one-time fix. It’s okay if it feels uncomfortable at first, and it’s okay if you don’t always get it "right." What matters is that you’re showing up for yourself—little by little, day by day. Start where you are, and take it one small step at a time. Over time, you’ll start seeing the positive effects self-care has on your well-being, and you’ll build a routine that truly supports you—not just a checklist of things to do.

Looking for Extra Support? Therapy for Anxiety and Perfectionism in New York Can Help!

Perfectionism and anxiety can be draining, but you don’t have to face them on your own. If you’re ready to break free from those overwhelming, unhelpful patterns and start prioritizing your well-being, I’m here to support you. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and therapist for perfectionism in New York, I offer personalized online therapy for perfectionism in Queens & throughout New York to help you explore the root causes of your perfectionism, reduce stress, and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Taking that first step toward healing might feel like a big move, but it doesn’t have to be. We’ll work at your pace to build the self-care habits that will truly benefit you, not overwhelm you.

• Schedule a consultation with me

• Learn more about me and my services

• Make space to take care of yourself—like you care for everything and everyone else in your life

Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connections Counseling

Self-care isn’t always as simple as it sounds—especially when anxiety and perfectionism make it feel like one more thing you need to get “right.” If you find yourself putting off rest, struggling to prioritize your needs, or feeling guilty when you take a break, you’re not alone. As an online therapist for perfectionism in New York, I see how perfectionism and anxiety can make even basic self-care feel overwhelming. That’s why I offer more than Therapy for Perfectionism—I also provide Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Burnout, and Therapy for People-Pleasing to help you break free from these patterns. If perfectionism is turning self-care into another impossible standard, we can work together to build a more balanced, sustainable approach—one that actually supports you, rather than adding more pressure.