Surviving the Holidays: A Guide for Anxious Perfectionists
The holidays often feel like they should be an exciting time of joy and relaxation. Yet for many, especially an anxious perfectionist, this season can bring a sense of overwhelm. Maybe you start each holiday season with high hopes of joy and connection, only to find yourself exhausted and wondering if all the effort was worth it. Or perhaps you feel that familiar sense of dread creeping in even as the holidays approach, anticipating all that’s to come.
But this year doesn’t have to be more of the same. It can be a time to reclaim a sense of agency—and yes, maybe even some joy, but no pressure! Let’s explore ways to help manage the unique pressures of the holiday season, from strategies for handling anxiety to learning how to set healthy boundaries and embracing imperfections along the way.
Understanding the Holiday Stress: Why Perfectionism Feels Amplified
Holidays often come with added demands, from gift shopping and decorating to cooking and attending social gatherings. With shorter workweeks to accommodate the celebrations, you may feel like you’re squeezing a full workload into fewer days, watching tasks pile up as the season goes on. For an anxious perfectionist in New York, these stressors can quickly lead to feelings of overwhelm and even resentment.
Take some time to consider how and where your perfectionism and anxiety tend to show up during the holidays. What are your usual triggers? Is it hosting responsibilities, the pressure to make everyone happy, or the feeling that you need to “keep up” with others’ holiday plans? Identifying these patterns can help you prepare both mentally and practically.
For instance, if social gatherings often trigger your anxiety or people-pleasing tendencies, it’s worth exploring ways to manage those feelings in advance. (Related read: The Gift of Saying No: How People-Pleasers Can Find Balance This Holiday Season.)
Practical Strategies for Managing Holiday Anxiety
Here are some therapist for perfectionism-backed strategies for navigating holiday stress, especially when anxiety and perfectionism are close by:
Schedule self-care and breaks: It might feel counterintuitive to carve out time for self-care when there’s already so much on your plate (pun intended), but during busy times, self-care is more essential than ever. Taking regular breaks—whether it’s a few minutes to breathe, go for a walk, or check in with yourself—can help you recharge and prevent burnout.
Get support from loved ones: Don’t hesitate to let some of the people close to you know how they can support you this season. Sometimes just having someone remind you that you’re worth taking care of can make a big difference. If it helps, ask them to check in or gently remind you to prioritize rest.
Practice mindfulness: Notice when you’re feeling anxious, and rather than trying to push it away, pause and get curious about what you’re feeling. Anxiety often shows up in our bodies, so give yourself permission to sit with the physical sensations without judging or resisting them. Simply noticing and accepting how you feel can reduce anxiety’s intensity.
Set limits on commitments: Commit only to what feels manageable. Set limits in advance, like how many gatherings you’ll attend, how much time you’ll spend at each, or how much you’ll contribute. Identifying these boundaries ahead of time makes it easier to avoid feeling overextended on the spot.
Slow down and don’t rush: Give yourself extra time between activities, and allow for some flexibility. Include a buffer for travel time, getting ready, and breaks. Rushing only amplifies stress and anxiety, so give yourself permission to move through the holidays at your own pace.
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt: A Key to Holiday Well-Being
Boundaries are essential but can be particularly tough for an anxious perfectionist who often feel driven to “do it all.” Setting boundaries during the holidays, however, isn’t about letting others down—it’s about respecting your own needs so you can actually enjoy this time of year. Healthy boundaries aren’t a punishment for others or a sign of failure on your part, even if you feel some guilt at first. They’re simply a way of acknowledging and respecting your own time and energy.
Reframe boundaries as a way to show up more authentically and energetically in the commitments you do make. Instead of saying yes to everything, identify where your limits are in advance and communicate them openly if possible. This might mean setting a limit on the number of events you’ll attend, how long you’ll stay, or even establishing a few topics you’d prefer to avoid—looking at you, politics and family drama!
And remember, taking care of yourself and being there for others aren’t mutually exclusive. With healthy boundaries, you’ll be better equipped to be present in the moments that truly matter. (For more on setting boundaries, check out Mastering Boundary Setting: Handling Negative Reactions with Confidence and Grace.)
Embracing Imperfection: How to Let Go of the “Perfect Holiday”
The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday experience can weigh heavily, leading to frustration and disappointment. This year, consider shifting your focus to what feels meaningful rather than what looks perfect.
Reconnect with your purpose for celebrating: Think about why the holidays matter to you personally, or what they could mean if the expectations hadn’t been set for you all these years. Instead of doing everything out of obligation, look for ways to connect authentically with others. Loosen up the expectation to make everything flawless, and focus on finding space for moments of enjoyment.
Prioritize what matters most: Identify what’s genuinely important to you this season, to help you figure out where to focus your energy. Maybe it’s spending quality time with loved ones or engaging in meaningful traditions. Consider areas where you can let go or compromise, and remind yourself of these priorities whenever perfectionism creeps in. Letting go of perfection in less important areas can free up time and energy, helping you fully enjoy the moments that matter most.
Set realistic goals: “Perfection” is exhausting and unsustainable. Start by considering your limits—your energy, time, and budget—and define what “good enough” looks like for you. This might mean simplifying your menu, opting for store-bought items, or letting go of perfectly polished or elaborate decorating. What matters most is that you’re present and engaged—not that everything looks flawless.
Simplify where you can: Think about cutting back on elaborate plans. If you’re hosting, consider a potluck or casual gathering, or share responsibilities with others. Embrace convenience where possible and avoid taking on too much at once.
Creating a Calmer, More Meaningful Holiday Experience
Consider this year a trial run for holidays to come—a chance to observe which strategies work for you and which don’t. You don’t need to transform everything all at once; instead, take small steps toward reducing stress and increasing enjoyment. As you find ways to support yourself, notice which adjustments feel most helpful.
The holidays don’t have to be synonymous with overwhelm. With some thoughtful preparation and intentional boundary-setting, this season can offer opportunities for connection, joy, and even a little bit of peace. Let this holiday season be an empowering experience, one where you set the terms and focus on what truly matters.
Looking for Extra Support? Therapy for Anxiety and Perfectionism in New York Can Help!
Anxiety and perfectionism can make the holidays feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re finding it hard to manage the stress and expectations during this season, I’m here to help. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and therapist for perfectionism in New York, I offer personalized online therapy for perfectionism to help you navigate the challenges of the season, reduce stress, and create space for the moments that truly matter. Reach out today to start your journey toward a more balanced and enjoyable holiday season—and beyond.
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Let go of perfectionism and embrace a holiday season full of connection, relaxation, and authenticity!
Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connection Counseling
Perfectionism often intertwines with other challenges, and as a therapist for perfectionism who understands these complexities, I recognize how they can impact every part of your life. That’s why I offer more than Therapy for Perfectionism, providing a range of services designed to support your overall well-being. My areas of expertise also include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Burnout, and Therapy for People-Pleasing. Whether you’re navigating one of these challenges or several, I’m here to offer compassionate, tailored care. Together, we can create a space for healing, growth, and building a life where you can truly flourish.