Perfectionism Myths That Are Keeping You Stuck
I think it’s safe to say we’re all pretty familiar with the term “perfectionism.” But do we really know what it is? There are so many misconceptions about perfectionism that can make it harder to recognize in ourselves or validate what we’re going through. These myths can hold us back, keeping us stuck in patterns that feel overwhelming or exhausting. Therapy for perfectionism in Queens & throughout New York can help you better understand these patterns and work through them. But let’s start by breaking down some common myths about perfectionism, uncover the truth, and see how they might be affecting you.
Myth 1 – Perfectionists Are Always Successful and Have Everything Together
The Truth: Perfectionism can hold you back as much as it pushes you forward.
While perfectionism might drive success in some areas, it often comes at a cost. Perfectionists can struggle with procrastination—putting off tasks because they’re afraid of getting it wrong or spending way too much time on small details. These habits can make it harder to achieve meaningful goals. Therapy for perfectionism in Queens, NY, can help identify these patterns and offer strategies for managing them.
Perfectionists also tend to pour all their energy into one area (or a few specific areas) while neglecting others. For example, you might excel at work but feel disconnected from friends or family. Or maybe you keep your home spotless but you’re constantly exhausted and don’t have the energy for fun or connection.
Perfectionists don’t have “perfect” lives. Often, they’re just as overwhelmed as anyone else, clinging to an idea of what they’re “supposed” to be doing, rather than what they actually want. Through online therapy for perfectionism, you can begin to let go of these unrealistic expectations.
Myth 2 – Perfectionists Are Always Neat, Tidy, and Organized
The Truth: Perfectionism doesn’t always look neat or orderly.
We often picture perfectionists as super organized or always put together (does Marie Kondo immediately come to your mind too?). Maybe someone who always knows what to say, shows up early to everything, and gives the perfect gifts.
But perfectionism can look messy too. For example, you might be so overwhelmed by trying to do everything perfectly that certain tasks keep finding their way to the bottom of your to-do list.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not organized enough to be a perfectionist,” it might just mean your perfectionism shows up differently—or that you’ve stopped trying in areas that feel impossible to “perfect.” For instance, that might look like being overly focused on your work performance or appearance, while your home feels chaotic. Counseling for perfectionism can help untangle these overwhelming tendencies so you can find a balanced approach.
Myth 3 – Perfectionism is Only About Work or School
The Truth: Perfectionism can show up anywhere.
Work and school are common places to see perfectionism, but it doesn’t stop there. It can show up in your relationships, where you might hold yourself to impossible standards, avoid conflict, or feel overly critical of others. It can also sneak into how you approach your appearance, home, or even your decision-making. An online therapist for perfectionism in Queens & throughout New York, can help you explore how these patterns show up in your life.
Perfectionism can be an internal struggle too. It often comes with a relentless inner critic that’s never satisfied, no matter how much you accomplish. This can lead to decision paralysis, where the fear of making the “wrong” choice keeps you stuck.
Myth 4 – Perfectionists Are Happier and More Satisfied
The Truth: Perfectionism often leads to burnout and frustration.
One of the toughest things about perfectionism is that it rarely lets you feel happy with what you’ve done. The goalpost keeps moving, so instead of celebrating your wins, you focus on what you could’ve done better.
Rather than bringing fulfillment, perfectionism often fuels anxiety, fear of failure, and self-judgment. Instead of focusing on what truly matters to you, you might find yourself chasing external expectations, leaving you drained and disconnected.
Myth 5 – Perfectionism is All Bad (or All Good)
The Truth: Perfectionism can be both helpful and harmful.
Not all perfectionism is bad. When it’s balanced, it can help you stay motivated, set goals, or create meaningful results. For instance, your attention to detail might make you great at your job or planning events.
But perfectionism isn’t always helpful either. If it leads to burnout, makes you feel like you can’t enjoy your achievements, or leaves you disconnected from what you value most, it’s probably doing more harm than good. Online therapy for perfectionism can help you navigate this balance and figure out what’s working—and what’s not.
For example, your perfectionism might help you organize beautiful gatherings for friends or family, but if it leaves you so exhausted you can’t enjoy the event—or you’re too busy worrying about everything that didn’t go perfectly—it’s no longer serving you. Or maybe your drive at work has helped you achieve success, but if you can’t appreciate it because you’re already focusing on the next “perfect” milestone, it might be time to reassess.
Online therapy for perfectionism can help you navigate this balance learn to recognize when it’s working for you—and when it’s not.
Myth 6 – Perfectionism Is About Doing Your Best
The Truth: Perfectionism is more about control than effort.
Perfectionism isn’t just about working hard—it’s often about trying to control outcomes, whether that’s avoiding failure or shaping how others see you. While doing your best can be a healthy motivator, perfectionism prioritizes avoiding mistakes over genuine effort.
Believing you have to give 100% all the time is exhausting and unsustainable. Real growth comes from finding balance and knowing when “good enough” really is enough.
Myth 7 – Letting Go of Perfectionism Means Failing
The Truth: Letting go of unhelpful perfectionism is self-care.
Perfectionism tells us failure is unacceptable. But whether we like it or not (and often we don’t!), failure is part of learning and growing. Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up—it means focusing on what really matters to you and learning to handle discomfort in healthier ways.
It’s not about lowering your standards; it’s about recognizing when your standards no longer serve you. By loosening the grip of perfectionism, you’re choosing a life that feels more meaningful and less exhausting.
Myth 8 - Perfectionists Can’t Change
The Truth: Change is possible with self-awareness and support.
If you’ve been a perfectionist for as long as you can remember, it might feel like this is just who you are. But the reality is, perfectionism might actually be covering up parts of who you really are, since it often develops as a way to protect yourself from rejection, failure, or uncertainty. And while letting go of it can feel scary, it’s absolutely possible.
With reflection, self-compassion, and support—like online therapy for perfectionism—you can break unhelpful patterns and create a healthier approach to life. Therapy can help you understand the roots of your perfectionism, manage it in a way that works for you, and let go of the parts that aren’t serving you.
Finding Balance Beyond Perfectionism
Perfectionism is complicated, and the myths around it can keep you stuck in patterns that leave you overwhelmed or unhappy. By understanding these myths and the truth behind them, you can start making changes to live a life that feels more balanced and authentic.
If perfectionism is something you’re struggling with, therapy can help you explore its impact, discover what truly matters to you, and create a more fulfilling, joyful life.
Looking for Extra Support? Therapy for Perfectionism in New York Can Help!
Perfectionism can be exhausting, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If you’re ready to break free from unhelpful patterns, I’m here to support you. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and therapist for perfectionism in New York, I offer personalized online therapy for perfectionism in Queens & throughout New York to help you uncover the roots of perfectionism, reduce stress, and create a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling.
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Other Therapy Services at Balanced Connections Counseling
Perfectionism and people-pleasing often create patterns that feel impossible to escape, especially when they show up in relationships. As an online therapist for perfectionism in New York, I understand how these struggles intertwine with challenges like anxiety and burnout, making it difficult to prioritize your own needs. That’s why I offer more than Therapy for Perfectionism—I also provide Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Burnout, and Therapy for People-Pleasing to support you in navigating these complex dynamics. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to meet others’ expectations while neglecting your own, I’m here to help. Together, we can create a space where you feel empowered to set boundaries, embrace imperfection, and build more fulfilling, authentic relationships. This is your opportunity to release the weight of others’ expectations, reconnect with your needs, and rediscover joy in being yourself.